I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Randomize
