just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
Randomize
