piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
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