So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
