i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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