Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Randomize
