It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Randomize
