Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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