Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Randomize
