this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
