I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
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