Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Randomize
