guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
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