maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
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