Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
