I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Randomize
