I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
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