the new term for farting is butt boxing.
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Randomize
