I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
