I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Randomize
