My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
