I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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