just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Randomize
