So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
