Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
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