imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
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