It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
