drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
