The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
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