i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
as a side note pls kill me
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize