told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
