OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
