at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
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