i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
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