I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
Randomize