You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
