Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Randomize
