i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Randomize
