I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
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