Whoa Z and x make the same sound
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
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