dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
