Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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