Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
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