I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
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