Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
