i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Randomize
