The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
i drank out of a bidet.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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