Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
I need water and some morals
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Randomize
