he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
That accounts for only three of the penises
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
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