Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
