Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
