we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
