someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
