you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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