Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
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