...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Randomize
