I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
