Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Randomize
