I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
