did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
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