I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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