She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
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