Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
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