Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
