I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Randomize
