I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
