my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
