things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
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