The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Randomize
