A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
Randomize
